If that’s how you feel then why are you still here?
I don’t know what’s going on but I’m to the point where I don’t know what to do with you or with us. Maybe this is how you felt when you told me you feel like you can’t do anything right because that’s how I feel. The smallest things set you off and then its impossible to get you to compromise or agree with me. No matter how I try to redeem myself it doesn’t work. I don’t even know why I have to redeem myself I don’t know what I did but it honestly feels like you’re just pushing me away..It makes me think you don’t want to be with me but you can’t leave me so you’re going to be difficult until there’s nothing left. Its to the point where I don’t want to come to bed because what’s the point we’re going to fight about something because there is always something. I’m tired of fighting and I’m tired of having to tip toe around you because I work so hard to keep you happy but it doesn’t matter. I am fighting a losing battle with you. The things you get upset about and blame me for aren’t even my fault. Its because you don’t open your mouth and tell me. But I let you blame me because its just easier at this point. So I apologize and go with it because I don’t want to fight. but I can’t keep taking the fall when I don’t deserve it. and I can’t keep going through this horrible cycle with you. I’m just reaching my limit.
I love you, I do. I love you more than anything. I love you as much as there are stars in the skies or blades or grass on the earth. You’re my soulmate and I want to be with you forever, but I am exhausted.
I had a dream about you last night. Well about us. It was probably a couple years down the road and we owned a house and you were sitting in one of the empty rooms trying to decide what to do with the place. I told you not to worry, that we would figure it out when it was time to but that wasnt good enough. I don’t blame you. So while I was at work you went and got fluorescent paint and splattered it all over the walls before I got back. And the furniture. It was just I don’t know even know but you got us a round bed/couch thing with bean bag chairs and strobe lights and a whole bunch of other crazy shit. When I got home you kissed me and threw a blindfold on me and took me upstairs. I was do scared you put a hole in the wall and you took of my blindfold an turned in the black light and I was honestly excited. I grabbed you against me and kissed you, pushing you down against the bed. We christened that room four times that night.
Having little dreams like that about you or just us like that make me very happy. It just feels like that’s how we express everything we’re feeling for one another and we both understand without havin to say a word. I love you baby.
I’m thankful for you. There were a few times I’d ask myself if I’d ever honestly think about saying that to someone. I thought about saying it to ash when she told me she was pregnant with my kid but I think that was sort of a blessing all on its own. I guess when I say things I see them as what they mean for me rather than the person sometimes but I think saying that Im thankful for you is more meaningful. I’m not saying that I love you isn’t but in my mind if you can actually take the time to appreciate something and feel it throughout your whole being, I think that’s a lot more so. I feel you in everything I do and everywhere I go. I might be crazy but who the hell knows. I just know that without you I don’t think I would have found it in me to be thankful for someone just being who they are. I love you.
Truly amazing song
[ You ]
You - Switchfoot
There’s always something in the way
There’s always something getting through
But it’s not me
I just don’t want to be sad anymore. I don’t to be laying in bed crying when I should be happy. I don’t want to be feeling like I have to force myself on you. I just feel you drifting further and it’s really scaring me. I can’t stop you no matter how hard I try and some days I don’t think you want me to. You’ll always have my heart no matter what. I can’t give it to another person because it loves you completely. Just try and keep it safe for me and if you decide you don’t want it anymore, I understand but it’s there if you want it.